Close Encounters of the Worst Kind
by Mazmaraz
Summary: Duo and Heero are on an infiltration mission. Mild slash.


Title: Close Encounters of the Worst Kind 

Summary: Duo and Heero are on an infiltration mission. Mild slash.

* * *

Quatre smiled as he sat his tea down next to the recording equipment. He was so, so glad the only participation he had in this particular mission was to listen to the entire thing from his tiny little windowless room and go in for back up if he were needed.

He'd heard about it; it sounded bad. And he was pretty sure that Duo had left out as many details as he possibly could just to save himself from embarrassment. Quatre was now under the firm belief that the doctors had some sort of not only twisted, but perverted sense of humour. They were sending their proteges to infiltrate a 'dance' club?

Quatre shook his head and pulled out the English paper he was supposed to hand in tomorrow. Keeping one ear on the furiously whispered conversation issuing from the radio, he tried to concentrate on 'Pride and Prejudice.'

"I hate you, Duo."

"I hate you too, Heero buddy."

"I really...really...hate you."

"Well it's not like it was my idea. Stinkin J's the one who came up with it. Not me."

"You went along with it."

"No. I just answered his questions."

"You could have lied."

"I run, I hide, but I never tell a lie."

"You could have not said anything."

"There's this thing called assumption, man. If I didn't say anything they woulda just assumed the answer was yes."

"I hate you Duo."

"Heero man, chill. You look damn hot and -"

"Shut up."

"Nah, just listen."

"Duo."

"Listen, Heero. Nobody, and I mean nobody on this godforsaken shit hole of a colony is gonna fork out enough dough for either one of us apart let alone together."

"Shut up."

"We're only using this getup to slip into the building. Then we retrieve the stupid files -"

"Disks."

"- whatever, and get our arses out. Twenty minutes tops. Right?"

"Don't talk mission detail in public."

"Heeeeeero."

"And Duo."

"What?"

"I hate you."

"Man, you are NOT sulking for the entire night."

"Hn."

"No way in hell. Lose the frown and swing your hips more, too. Your walking all wrong. Here, look."

"Duo!"

"Like this."

"Get your hands off me."

"'Ro man, listen to the music. You here that? You gotta walk to the beat. See ...owe...hey!"

"Hn."

"Just do it man. I'm not getting caught cause your stupid arsed soldiers butt can't swing. Sink into your steps."

"Duo. Hands. Off."

"No. Not until you start walking right. It'd make sense for us to be hanging off each other anyway."

"Let go! What are you doing."

"Tuck your fingers into my belt loop."

"I don't want to."

"Now that is just lame. What are you? Five? Quit being such a child."

"Hn."

"We're going in, Q. Wish us luck."

"Duo, he can't answer."

"No duh, but he'll wish us luck anyway."

"Hn. Reception on the left. We're through to the waiting room. Will be underground in three minutes. Radio might black out. Give us ten- ngh! Duo!!"

"Just loosen up a bit, man."

"Get your nose OUT of my ear!"

"Settle petal. Check out the suit over on the far lounge."

"Hands off!"

"Is he who I think he is?"

"Off."

"He is."

"Get off."

"It's the president of -"

"Quit. Touching me!"

"This is sexy and all Heero, being pressed up against the wall, but I think we're attracting too much attention. And, err, don't say anything for a sec. Person approaching."

"Duo."

"Sort of turn around and glare seductively."

"What?!"

"Ok, bury your nose in my neck then. Don't listen to me. I just know what I'm talking about. At least pretend you're doing something."

"Duo..."

"You two boys. Room 3. Now."

"What does she want?"

"Shush, Heero. I'm sorry ma'am, but we're booked. We've -"

"Whatever your booking was, it's now canceled. Room 3. Follow me."

"Duo. What the hell is this?"

"Erm. We've been propositioned."

"Duo. You said this wouldn't happen."

"Stop worrying. I'll fix it."

"Do it quick. And stop licking my ear."

"Just checking out who's behind us. Your ear tastes disgusting by the way."

"Duo."

"It's president dude and a couple of body guards."

"Ladies stopped. She's opening a door."

"No need to state the obvious. Just go in."

"Duo. It's one of THOSE rooms."

"I know. Just go in."

"I thought you said you were getting us out."

"I am."

"This isn't out."

"Stop complaining. It's just a show room."

"What's that got to do with anything."

"Means they probably only want a show."

"What's a show?"

"You know, you talk a lot more when you're nervous."

"Duo. What is a show?"

"I was beginning to wonder if you had some sort of speech impairment you were afraid to show or something."

"What is a show?"

"But no. You just -"

"Duo!!"

"Hey! What's your problem."

"A show. What is a show."

"Oh. Well. We do stuff. They watch. It's simple."

"Stuff?"

"You know..."

"No I don't."

"Course you do."

"No I don't."

"Oh come on. It's...stuff. Every guy knows about it."

"Explain it to me anyway."

"Heero."

"Explain."

"Err, well. Heh. You see..."

"Duo."

"It's like. Umm."

"Explain coherently."

"Ahh. Heh. Touch. Fondle. Kiss...Possibly shag...Ow ow ow. Heero stop!"

"Get us out. Now."

"Ahh. Ow ow. Heero. Leggo. Ahh. Ok ok. Just go with me here."

"Duo. Get. Us. OUT!"

"Shhh."

"Gentlemen. We would like some entertainment. You can provide it...Or Die."

Heero was glaring at Duo so fiercely that there was a good chance - despite the lack of telekinetic abilities - of causing his head to explode. The thought of Duo's head exploding was an immensely satisfying thought to Heero at that particular moment. Not only would it cause Duo rather a lot of pain, but it would probably send their 'clients' tearing from the room in panic and create a nice, big, pretty grey and red mess to shower the carpet in their immediate vicinity. Then there would be no more Duo to annoy him or appeal to his more moral side and he could just walk through the place and shoot everyone, collect the disks, get out, Mission Complete.

It would be slightly unfortunate that Duo would be dead, he did provide the gundam team with a few very commendable resources. But Heero was sure he could live without them if it meant he didn't have to have those long fingered hands on his waist, that mouth on his neck or that body pressed against his. Heero was dead sure he could live without the heavy breathing and the moans and the occasional cock twitching grunt that Duo kept producing. If Duo would just take even one tiny eeny weeny minute step back so as to separate their groins by a mere inch, then, Heero thought he could live. Because at the moment, he was dying of embarrassment and the worst thing about the entire situation was that it didn't seem to be affecting Duo at all.

"Heero, would you like, moan or something. It's supposed to look like I'm seriously working you over." Heero attempted to ignore the mouth that reattached itself to his collarbone and put his very best effort into making some sort of sound that would indicate he was experiencing something pleasurable. It was proving rather difficult as everything kept getting caught in the base of his throat. If he was going to make any sound at all it would probably end up as some kind of squawk.

"Ok, so don't moan." Duo muttered. "I suppose you're not the type to anyway. But how about leaning into me or something. It'd look good if you rested your head on my shoulder and grabbed a handful of my shirt."

Heero followed these instructions to the letter as one of those long fingered hands slid over his hip and down around his buttocks. The action had just put his lower regions into a situation they'd never encountered before. He grabbed some more of Duo's shirt and ground his knuckles into Duo's ribcage.

This was oh so very bad.


End file.
